Article From Local Paper December 24, 2008 by Laurie Knight

I cannot write the story about my own husband because he is with the Special Forces group and they do not like or want any attention called to their unit or their job. I cannot write my story because I am the one who holds the family together while he is away and I am just the glue, the sidekick; no hero status here. So today, I write the story of the children who are left behind to cope when their parent or parents are deployed in such far reaching areas as Afghanistan, Iraq and Africa in defense of this great nation.
Our kids, Connor 14 and Emi 11, are truly admirable people. For all the years of their lives, they have had to go days, weeks and months not knowing where dad is or when he is coming home.
The real travel began when our soldier decided to become an officer. He had been enlisted for a few years and during this time, had done little training above the obligatory one weekend a month and two weeks in the summer. He was a flight medic and also worked in a hospital. He decided to go to Officer Candidate School for Officer status so he began doing his weekends and extended time in the summer at FT McClellan.
Once while he was away, the kids and I had gone to the beach for the weekend and our daughter, eight months old at the time, fell on some seashells and cut her face. A trip to the emergency room and 16 stitches by a plastic surgeon took care of it but there was no way for me to have told him in our distance. I had to warn him, explain it and be the recipient of his feelings of remorse for not being there all at the same time he is grabbing her up and making sure she is ok.
His summers following his officer status began to fill with drill instructor type work to train other Officers so he was away a lot for this. The kids and I traveled to see him whenever we could and always they were the troopers. They were excited to see him, honored to call him their dad and at the same time, cheated that they didn’t get to leave with him. We spent summers in his company when time and money would allow it traveling to FT Sill, Oklahoma and trying to play family while my husband studied for the difficult tests and assignments he had as he finished all the required courses.
When the day that changed the nation’s security happened, my husband was working in a hospital. He called to say he wasn’t sure exactly how but that life as we know it would cease to exist. He admitted feeling a higher calling for a more immediate duty to the country. When the kids came home from school, we watched the television together so I could say over and over to them, “This is not a movie, this is really happening.” Then I took the time to explain that because their dad wears the uniform to help out in times like these, we can expect for him to have to do something. At four and seven, they couldn’t possibly understand but I had to tell them anyway.
After months of working as a liaison between the guard and the Governor’s Office, he came home to make sure I would back him on the long journey to becoming a Special Forces Officer which would of course require more time away from the family. I agreed to support him and make the best of it. Only when a man is truly happy with himself can he be everything the family needs as a provider and a dad, a best friend and a husband.
From 2001 to 2004 we lived together only on some holidays and some weekends. His training required his being absent then a deployment happened. We awaited word daily. I was forced to try and explain everything to children that they really didn’t need to hear. I never lied and I never made promises I couldn’t keep.
What they saw was a woman who was strong enough to be left behind to take care of the kids when a greater calling is involved. What they learned was that when you know you need to do something, you do it and your family backs you. What they exhibited was a maturity beyond their years.
Their soldier dad missed many birthdays and most holidays during those years. He missed lost teeth, skinned knees, and punishment for bad school behavior. He also missed tears at bedtime when the girl just wanted her daddy.
The kids realized that to be a United States soldier is a privilege that many countries cannot boast. They also realized that it isn’t a job, it isn’t a career, but it is a life. They learned first-hand what patriotism means and they have traveled the US in support of what their dad does.
In 2004 he applied for and got a National Guard job that called for him to wear his uniform every day. It was then that our family moved to the Trussville area. He had secured a job but I couldn’t leave the teaching position I had in the middle of the year so I declined to move until the year was finished. I figured it best for the kids as well.
His super hero status would break, I was sure of it. Once he was home daily and they had to listen to and abide by his rules, I was sure there would be some severing of the status he held but I was mistaken; it simply didn’t happen.
We moved here and within days after we arrived, he again left for training. He left us behind in a new city with no family, no contacts. He left us with nothing but a place to live and a town to begin to call home. What the kids learned was that you don’t sit around and wait for things to happen, you go find things to do. We set out and learned our way around. They continued to talk to him when he could call and maintained the tight line of communication they had concreted over the years via phone.
We were reunited yet again and within nine months of our living in the same house, he again was called to duty. Actually, he volunteered for this one. He had lost friends, had friends wounded while fighting our enemies, and could not stand by working in the comfort of the air conditioned office when there was a job to be done on the other side of the world. I agreed with his volunteering (though his mother still doesn’t know). This one would prove to be a bit harder for him because as a team commander, things were just different. He didn’t have the leisure to worry about us as he had his guys and all the duties that go with command to worry over and we learned that his job was a whole lot tougher than anything he’d done before.
The kids watched the news, asked questions, accepted my limited information as good enough. They began to realize that not all people in their schools or the community cared about the wars. They realized that not all are patriotic. They learned that their family is steeped in men who have fought for this country for as far back as anyone knows. They learned such terms as HOA, OIF, OEF, RPG, IED and ODA. They realized the media doesn’t accurately portray what is going on and they learned that their dad had done and continues to do a great service to this country.
This year brought a change for their dad. He is now working on the civilian side in the same places he has been for the military. He works right beside military guys. He tried to be home and work in the office but he couldn’t. He felt like he needed to do more.
The kids continue to learn more about the world than the history books at school can offer. They understand the deep roots of religion and how desperate people can act when they are faced with adversity. They also realize how it feels to watch classmates and adults alike disrespect all that they know of as good and right by not standing for the pledge or by down-talking the US military. My son said to me this year that he doesn’t know how to handle it when a classmate disrespects this country, the flag, his dad and him by not standing. He told me that our pride and patriotism and duty to this country runs so deep that he feels personally wronged when others speak negatively about the military or the country. And our daughter, I hear, tries to educate those around her always about what is really going on in the far reaching places instead of what the media portrays.
Yes, I cannot tell about my husband’s sensitive work or the groups he’s worked with. I cannot tell about his assignments, his battles, his comrades, the losses he has experienced while fighting for this country. I cannot tell of the other men in the US Special Forces because it is the quiet profession. What I can tell is that where this story glimpsed just one soldier and his family, there are many more out there whose stories will be shrouded in a world of silence.
Our kids, the kids of the military families, should be hailed and exalted for their ability to adjust to the craziness this life throws upon them. They should be thanked for being able to handle their parent’s separation and for their ability to maintain relationships with those who are absent physically in their lives.
Truth be told, if you ask the kids how it feels to have their dad gone fighting a war on foreign soil, they will tell you something like: It’s just what he does. No big deal.